Bringing It Down to the Earth

Posts tagged ‘feelings’

How Can I Put My Child on a Diet Program Without Making Her Feel Self-Concious?

Question: My daughter is 5 years old and weighs 72 lbs. I dont want her to have a weight problem when she gets older. Is it wrong for me to put her on a diet and excercise program?

Maureen’s Answer:

You asked, “Is it wrong to put her on a diet and exercise program?” I feel the more effective question to ask yourself here is what feels “right” or “wrong” to you. And I‘d like you to consider that question with something very important in mind. On the deepest level there really is no right or wrong, only moving closer to love (feels right!) or further away from love (feels “wrong” – i.e. -unpeaceful, disconnected, empty, or bad). It’s really feeling a lack of love that so often compels people to overeat, in an unconscious effort to fill the void.

So if I am interpreting your real question correctly, you are asking, “How can I best help my daughter to feel, happy, accepted, safe, cared for, and loved?” Well, that doesn’t have to be a some-day-in-the-future experience for her (or you!), and you certainly don’t need to diet your way there! You can offer feelings of deep fulfillment to her right now—or with her next meal.

Share with your daughter the most effective “diet” there is, the only one that can bring the truest, most easily shared and enjoyable experience: “Eat with love, what’s grown with love, prepared with love and served with love.” Simple ’eh? All you have to do is ask yourself, “Is this food a symbol of my love?” If so, offer it joyously.

Do you realize that your daughter sees you as the most amazing, powerful, beautiful being on the planet? Therefore, whatever you see in her, she subconsciously desires to become. To all children, parents are the authority—they feel we know best. What a powerful opportunity that presents for you. See only her perfection, her beauty and—most importantly—her strength and unique individuality, and then just step back and watch! Believe me, you won’t feel fear for her well-being any longer. The only reason any of us parents are ever overly concerned for the well-being of our children is if we mistrust ourselves! While all the while, we hold within us such wisdom—because the gift that comes along with parenthood is the wisdom of love. It sounds to me like you just forgot how to access your own truest mother-lovin’ wisdom for a brief moment in time. (Fear does that to us, by the way.)

There is a way for you to discern whether or not your consideration of putting your daughter on a diet is fear-based or love-based. Here’s how: just sit still for a moment, and completely divorce yourself from the “good” or “bad” opinions of other people. Now, consider the same question you asked me, imagining that you and your daughter exist in a vacuum of sorts—there’s no one else on the planet to judge either one of you. There’s only, you, your daughter and love. Now you tell me, do you need to do anything… let alone put your daughter on a diet!? It’s the fear (most often of both the good or bad opinions of other people) that begets the emptiness that leads to guilt and excess weight. Show her she’s unconditionally loved, just as she already loves you! What beautiful mirrors you’ll be to one another then. Just relax and love yourself for being such a caring, amazing mother who now realizes it’s only the love that fulfills us all—it’s our deepest craving and at the very same time, who we really are! And then just enjoy her—and every meal you have the grace to share together—she’s perfect and so are you!

If you feel it may be healthy for your daughter to spend more time exercising, you can simply encourage her to spend more time outside. Children have a natural curiosity and playfulness, so there’s no need for a “diet or exercise program.” Just find out what sports and games she’s naturally interested in. It could be that a tap dance class, a place on the soccer team, or a friendly game of tag with the neighbors is all your daughter needs to spark a more active lifestyle.

For more from Soul-Full Eating: A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Consciousness visit eatwithsoul.com

Should I Make My Daughter Finish All of the Food on Her Plate?

Question: My two-year-old daughter often sits with us at the table and eats—usually. My question is, should I have her eat if she doesn’t want to? Should I force her to try new foods? Should I make her sit there until her plate is clean or until she’s eaten two bites of peas? If she asks to leave the table before her father and I are finished eating, do I let her?

Maureen‘s Answer:

As you may know, the theme of Soul-Full Eating is: “Eat with love, what’s grown with love, prepared with love and served with love.”

I feel that across the board, this simple statement is the answer to all kinds of struggles that adults have with food. But it’s important that as adults we ask ourselves, when do most food struggles begin? The answer is often in childhood. Many of us grew up in households where it was expected that we “clean our plates” before we could be excused from the table. Let’s get more specific to your questions now… to an inquisitive, on-the-go two-year-old this can be a torturous experience. Often, before the adults at the dining table have finished two mouthfuls of their food, a two year old will declare, “I’m done.” That’s because they’re genuinely satiated with one or two bites themselves and are now ready to move on to “more interesting things.”

So I’d like you to ask yourself, if you’re asking an “expert” how to feed your own child… maybe at some point you were led to believe that other people’s opinions and feelings are more valid and important than your own. The only question I believe you need to ask here—to yourself!—is, “what feels most loving to me now?” How can you best show my daughter that she is completely loved—even at the dinner table?

By the way, my sister-in-law still speaks about how traumatized she was by having to sit at the dining room table long after every one of her siblings was excused, until she ate those last three cold and wilting peas. As she relates it, as a child she rebelled and tried to assert her autonomy for hours and hours saying, “I don’t like peas!.” Unfortunately she’d eventually break and eat them—her dad was a military Colonel at the time, so he knew how to win a battle! But, at what cost?

We never crave food as much as we crave love. And you can teach your children self-love via eating food. Yes! Offer them good, wholesome, healthy choices—plenty of them—this will spark their creativity and feelings of empowerment as they can make their own choices and feel your love as they do so.

If you find that, as an adult, you are unsure if you are in a battle with food yourself, here’s an excerpted exercise from Soul-Full Eating, that’s often very revelatory for my readers. Try it and let me know what you find out. And remember, it’s through conscious parenting that we often discover the spontaneous, joyous, oh-so-loveable “lost child” in ourselves.

SOMETHING TO CHEW ON
Spend five minutes meditating on or writing about the following questions: When you were young, were you given praise for finishing every last bite on your plate? Were you ever coerced into eating even after you felt full by being told about the starving children in other parts of the world or about how others suffered and sacrificed to provide you with your meal?

If so, then it’s likely that guilt has been coloring your world when it comes to eating—guilt for not eating enough, or guilt for eating too much. We are all born with an internal comfort-seeking mechanism—the Soul—The “Voice” of sanity. However, for many of us, it’s been layered over, smothered and silenced by the guilt inherent in our fear-based conditioning.

SOUL-FULL EXERCISE #1
Just for one day, do only what you genuinely love to do. Can you do that? Lucky you, if you don’t have to put a hold on everything and completely rearrange your entire life to do this. That means you are already being True to your Soul!
But if you do have to do a bit of finagling of time and space in order to allow your authentic-self to emerge, that’s still fine. Why? Because now you can see that you really do deserve to love yourself more. Once you do this once, there may be no turning back!
Eating what you really don’t love, without love, is just one small symptom of a greater picture of denying your brilliance and self-worth.

My Sister Gives Her New Boyfriend More Attention Than Her Kids.

Question: My nieces are 16, 14 and 5 years of age and their mother—my sister—has recently started dating a new guy. Since she met him, she has payed less and less attention to the girls. Naturally, they feel neglected and the oldest one got into an argument with her mom that was so bad that she recently told me and her grandmother—who also lives with them—that she was considering moving out. Right now it seems like my sister’s first priority is her new boyfriend. I want to show my nieces that my husband and I are there for them, but how do I do that without showing them more negativity about their mom? Also my sister is very unfair with my mom, treating her like a maid and is very unappreciative. Should I mention something to her or leave it alone?

Maureen’s Answer:

Here’s my personal philosophy: If you can’t say something supportive and helpful to someone, it’s best to say nothing at all.

Instead, realize that just being an example of what you’d like them to become will impact the situation for the better. In this case, it sounds as if all you really want for your family is to feel peaceful, loved and respected. That’s a very good intention, but getting into other people’s business is often the least effective way to accomplish such results.

Instead—since what you focus on, you’ll get more of—if you see your sister as “the insensitive culprit,” don’t be surprised if she exhibits behaviors that personify exactly that. Whereas, if you start by seeing everyone as doing the best they can at this time and respect them for that, you’ll approach the situation from an entirely different perspective—one that is typically more loving, less judgmental and one that can also have an impact for the better much more quickly. Obviously, what your sister really wants is love and if the only place she feels like she can get that at the moment is from her boyfriend, well then of course she’ll want to spend most of her time with him.

Here’s something powerful that you can share with your nieces. Maybe they don’t approve of their mother’s choices and decisions and yet feel that they are affected by them directly or indirectly. Instead of feeling victim to the situation, they can become victors over it by choosing to give what it is they most want to get… in this case it’s the love and caring attention of their mother. But truly, that brand of love—love that comes from someone else—is never, ever reliable, even from a mother, as you’ve so wonderfully illustrated with your question!

In this world filled with people living in separate bodies, driven by different likes, dislikes and intentions, we cannot expect for anyone else to truly make us live “happily ever after.” Situations and circumstances are always changing as are people evolving, growing and learning via the lives they live. We can’t expect anyone to put their life on hold for us—which is what so many mothers feel that they do for their children only to feel then that their children owe them something for that in return. They don’t! If you choose to sacrifice anything for another person, be prepared to realize that it is never loving. We can only receive perfect and undying love from ourselves! How do we know if we’ve actually succeeded in tapping that kind of love? We don’t need others to do anything for us in order for us to love them… we just love them because that’s what feels best to us! No matter how they are acting towards us, anyone else or themselves. Only that is true love.

Wouldn’t you rather your nieces master a lesson in true love early on and go on to be powerful, amazing self-reliant women in all of their relationships? Rather than make them victim to judgments about their mother, which will only serve to disempower them and lose sight of the love that they innately know and feel for her. Show them real, true undying love now, by asking them to join with you in accepting their mom just as she is and allowing for her to make mistakes as she must. And by the way, if your sister doesn’t feel judged, she’ll walk through situations that aren’t truly led by love—but fear—much more quickly.

For years, I worked with teens in the public school system, who came from “dysfunctional homes.” The members of these families were all craving love, yet no one really understood how to remove the obstacles to love’s presence. Instead they were all in denial, thinking they could live without sharing the very thing they all wanted to experience most. From my own personal experience, I knew that only one person in a family is needed to change everything. How? By deciding to love everyone just the way they are. That doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck with a situation you don’t like—that’s the power of love—once you accept people/things just as they are—they can change!

Source: Parental Wisdom Advisor Maureen Whitehouse

Done with Dieting: 30 Days of Soul-Full Eating

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Connect with Soul and Give up your Dieting Woes for Good!

Done with Dieting: 30 Days of Soul-Full Eating

When Kate seeks help for her yo-yo dieting and weight gain, she’s looking for more than just another carb counting quick fix. Tired of both herself and an endless parade of nutrition and fitness advice, Kate doubts that any diet can help her overcome her compulsive eating habits to find the perfect weight.

But the seemingly ordinary “life coach” who agrees to take Kate on as a client, has more than Kate’s waistline in mind. This unconventional diet is a complete overhaul of body, mind, and soul, causing Kate to question some of her most cherished beliefs, and let go of past regrets along with mealtime baggage. As Kate’s mentor guides her into unknown territory, they uncover an aspect of eating Kate had long ago forgotten: joy. Throwing all rules and restrictions out the window, Kate is led by one simple principle, “Eat with love what’s grown with love, prepared with love and served with love.”

A warm-hearted and fiercely direct dialogue ensues, as the two women clear Kate’s kitchen, asses her wardrobe and uncover a brilliantly confident woman that Kate never realized was hiding under her own skin.

Join Kate on her journey from “I’m not” to “I am!” by receiving one installment of the story each morning for 30 days, accompanied by daily exercises and meditations to integrate Kate’s discoveries into your own life. Accompanied by Kate, the path to health and radiance has never been more engaging or appealing.

Sign up now, and you’ll receive a month of teleconferences with Maureen, plus unlimited access to her via email, Free!

You may sympathize with Kate if you’ve ever…

  • Quit a diet that you swore you’d stick to, feeling defeated and self-loathing.
  • Triumphantly reached your dieting goals, only to yo-yo back to your original weight, while frantically trying to control your fluctuating waistline.
  • Felt frustrated and confused by the hundreds of diet “plans” and “experts” all with their own, often-contradictory methods of achieving the perfect body.
  • Grown sick of listening to other people tell you how you should eat, exercise and look.

What if you could end all of your struggles with food and stop dieting forever?
You can!

Most traditional diets rely on pre-planned meals, regimented lists of “shoulds” and “shoudln’ts”, and carb, fat and calorie counting—methods which only create more guilt and mealtime stress, and often causing dieters to quit altogether or quickly bounce back to their original weight.

Kate’s Awakening, by contrast, tackles mealtime and dressing room woes at their very source—the deep-rooted feelings of guilt and self-loathing that most of us associate with those experiences—and which keep us from trusting ourselves to decide when, what, and how much we should eat.

Over the course of this 30-Day email program, you’ll learn to trust yourself to make healthy, wholesome decisions about food. You’ll learn how to indulge without guilt, to eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full, and to eat—and live—in a way that leaves you feeling satisfied, and not aching for more.

Expect your newfound confidence and appreciation to expand into the rest of your daily experience—get ready to love your life!

Click here to read a sample of Done with Dieting

It seems to me that our three basic needs, for food and security and love,
are so entwined that we cannot think of one without the other.
~ M.F.K. Fisher

A Message About Done with Dieting from Maureen:
At first, my motivation to become supremely knowledgeable about nutrition and wellness was entirely self-serving and superficial. As an international model, I wanted to be “picture perfect” and “marketable,” so I could be successful and make a living. But as I watched friends and co-workers turn towards drugs or develop eating disorders, I realized that my interest in full-body wellness and spirituality had helped me not only maintain a desirable physique, but also stay sane in an often crazy and self-destructive industry.

Over the course of a quarter decade, I read literally hundreds of books, attended lectures, workshops and retreats by every known (and unknown) wellness authority of the day. As time passed and I thankfully matured, I realized that there is no “expert” and no one can be anyone else’s “diet authority.”

No matter how learned, how many degrees or titles someone may have after their name, the person who is most expert about you, is you!

In fact, the more I came to know myself, the more evident it became to me how ludicrous it is that any expert should be given the authority to tell me, or any one, what precisely I should eat, at any given time of the day!

I am not here to tell you that this food is good and this food is bad. It’s time to rise above all of that, and allow you to pay attention to your own body and your own needs, to give you the space to decide what is right for you, right now.

Despite a world littered with fast food restaurants and seductive junk food commercials promising ultimate satisfaction there are people who are able to stay thin and healthy and can negotiate their way through the synthetic food jungle every day. And even quite peacefully and consciously indulge from time to time. How?
They are focused on self-love, and have learned what satisfies their own needs, rather than endlessly filling a void and riding the cycle of self-guilt.

Have you ever watched a small child eat? They eat what they want when they want it, and stop as soon as they are full. They never binge or intentionally starve themselves, or feel guilt for not eating the “right” amounts of the “right” foods.

That is, until the child begins school, where there are allotted times for eating, and using the bathroom, and playing, and paying attention. At dinnertime, adults tell her that she has to either finish everything on her plate or stop eating so much of certain foods. As the child grows older, she loses touch with what her body needs, instead relying on experts to tell her what will make her feel and look “perfect.” She might overindulge to ease emotional pain, or restrict herself to feel more in control of her life and image. Soon, mealtime becomes a complicated mess of “shoulds,” “don’ts” and “wants.” Wouldn’t it be nice to return to those childhood eating habits, when you just ate whatever you liked, whenever you felt hungry, with no guilt?

In this 30-day “non-diet” program, you’ll purge yourself of mealtime baggage, and learn to trust yourself to make healthy, wholesome decisions about food. You’ll learn how to indulge without guilt, to eat when you’re hungry and stop when you’re full, and to eat—and live—in a way that leaves you feeling satisfied, and not aching for more.

Every human has two things in common,
1. We all Eat.
2. We all feel a certain, albeit often undeniable pang of emptiness that whispers, “there must be something more than this.”

Sure we can quiet that voice, from time to time, just like our body’s hunger for food, making it subside by burying it under layers of material consumption. But the only time that any of us are ever truly, deeply full, contented and satisfied is when we feel deeply loved.

That void is the voice of your Soul calling you to live your own life fully and freely, led by a deeply fulfilling interior motivation that is aligned with self-love and awareness. A life guided by, infused with, and impassioned by love.

Wouldn’t you much rather learn to love yourself than temporarily trim your waistline by mastering another diet, only to find yourself yo-yo right back to where you were before you started it?

Welcome to the Done with Dieting Program

It’s the journey to rediscover Soul via the love of food.

SHARE SOME SOUL
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Soul-Full Eating Workshop, Nov. 17, 2007

Soul-FUll EatingYOU ARE INVITED…

Just in time for the holiday season, when friends and families the world over gather together to celebrate spirit by sharing food…

Come enjoy a life-changing experience, as you learn how to:
Eat Your Way to Enlightenment (more…)

Book Review: The Doctor Weighs In. Getting in touch with your feelings… about raisins

Getting in Touch With Your Feelings… About Raisins

A friend put me in touch with Maureen Whitehouse, a former model and now author of a new book, Soul-Full Eating. Maureen sent me a copy of her book to review.  Now, it is a pretty book with a serenely beautiful cover photo it’s a lettuce leaf (I think) and something that looks like a animal bone stuck in something that could be some sort of fruit. It is all a little blurry and abstract. But it does remind me of the decor of some of the nicer high-end spas I have frequented.

The subtitle of the book is ” A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Conscious.” Oh, oh, I’m thinking, this may be a little too zen for me. I practice yoga because it is a great exercise and my main stretching activity. But I have never really been the meditating sort. I avoid the silent dinners at my annual visit at Rancho La Puerta, not being able to imagine how someone could pass up the chance to blab with the terrifically interesting people who attend that spa. (more…)

Book Review Sample: Soul-Full Eating: A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Consciousness

Sample Review: Soul-Full Eating: A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Consciousness

This is a whole new diet twist – forget you’re a body and instead see yourself as a Soul. That’s right, in her provocative new book, Soul-Full Eating – A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Consciousness, former international model turned Transformational Life Coach Maureen Whitehouse gives us a path to higher consciousness that cleans up our dietary habits along the way to enlightenment. Whitehouse’s mantra is: Eat with love, what’s grown with love, prepared with love and served with love. In other words, she is asking us to consider what we’re eating, where it came from, why we’re eating it, and to also be grateful that we’re eating it at all. The author has found that considering these factors and learning what foods resonate with our Soul is a clear path to healthier way of consuming food. (more…)

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