How Can I Put My Child on a Diet Program Without Making Her Feel Self-Concious?

Question: My daughter is 5 years old and weighs 72 lbs. I dont want her to have a weight problem when she gets older. Is it wrong for me to put her on a diet and excercise program?

Maureen’s Answer:

You asked, “Is it wrong to put her on a diet and exercise program?” I feel the more effective question to ask yourself here is what feels “right” or “wrong” to you. And I‘d like you to consider that question with something very important in mind. On the deepest level there really is no right or wrong, only moving closer to love (feels right!) or further away from love (feels “wrong” – i.e. -unpeaceful, disconnected, empty, or bad). It’s really feeling a lack of love that so often compels people to overeat, in an unconscious effort to fill the void.

So if I am interpreting your real question correctly, you are asking, “How can I best help my daughter to feel, happy, accepted, safe, cared for, and loved?” Well, that doesn’t have to be a some-day-in-the-future experience for her (or you!), and you certainly don’t need to diet your way there! You can offer feelings of deep fulfillment to her right now—or with her next meal.

Share with your daughter the most effective “diet” there is, the only one that can bring the truest, most easily shared and enjoyable experience: “Eat with love, what’s grown with love, prepared with love and served with love.” Simple ’eh? All you have to do is ask yourself, “Is this food a symbol of my love?” If so, offer it joyously.

Do you realize that your daughter sees you as the most amazing, powerful, beautiful being on the planet? Therefore, whatever you see in her, she subconsciously desires to become. To all children, parents are the authority—they feel we know best. What a powerful opportunity that presents for you. See only her perfection, her beauty and—most importantly—her strength and unique individuality, and then just step back and watch! Believe me, you won’t feel fear for her well-being any longer. The only reason any of us parents are ever overly concerned for the well-being of our children is if we mistrust ourselves! While all the while, we hold within us such wisdom—because the gift that comes along with parenthood is the wisdom of love. It sounds to me like you just forgot how to access your own truest mother-lovin’ wisdom for a brief moment in time. (Fear does that to us, by the way.)

There is a way for you to discern whether or not your consideration of putting your daughter on a diet is fear-based or love-based. Here’s how: just sit still for a moment, and completely divorce yourself from the “good” or “bad” opinions of other people. Now, consider the same question you asked me, imagining that you and your daughter exist in a vacuum of sorts—there’s no one else on the planet to judge either one of you. There’s only, you, your daughter and love. Now you tell me, do you need to do anything… let alone put your daughter on a diet!? It’s the fear (most often of both the good or bad opinions of other people) that begets the emptiness that leads to guilt and excess weight. Show her she’s unconditionally loved, just as she already loves you! What beautiful mirrors you’ll be to one another then. Just relax and love yourself for being such a caring, amazing mother who now realizes it’s only the love that fulfills us all—it’s our deepest craving and at the very same time, who we really are! And then just enjoy her—and every meal you have the grace to share together—she’s perfect and so are you!

If you feel it may be healthy for your daughter to spend more time exercising, you can simply encourage her to spend more time outside. Children have a natural curiosity and playfulness, so there’s no need for a “diet or exercise program.” Just find out what sports and games she’s naturally interested in. It could be that a tap dance class, a place on the soccer team, or a friendly game of tag with the neighbors is all your daughter needs to spark a more active lifestyle.

For more from Soul-Full Eating: A (Delicious!) Path to Higher Consciousness visit eatwithsoul.com

My Sister Gives Her New Boyfriend More Attention Than Her Kids.

Question: My nieces are 16, 14 and 5 years of age and their mother—my sister—has recently started dating a new guy. Since she met him, she has payed less and less attention to the girls. Naturally, they feel neglected and the oldest one got into an argument with her mom that was so bad that she recently told me and her grandmother—who also lives with them—that she was considering moving out. Right now it seems like my sister’s first priority is her new boyfriend. I want to show my nieces that my husband and I are there for them, but how do I do that without showing them more negativity about their mom? Also my sister is very unfair with my mom, treating her like a maid and is very unappreciative. Should I mention something to her or leave it alone?

Maureen’s Answer:

Here’s my personal philosophy: If you can’t say something supportive and helpful to someone, it’s best to say nothing at all.

Instead, realize that just being an example of what you’d like them to become will impact the situation for the better. In this case, it sounds as if all you really want for your family is to feel peaceful, loved and respected. That’s a very good intention, but getting into other people’s business is often the least effective way to accomplish such results.

Instead—since what you focus on, you’ll get more of—if you see your sister as “the insensitive culprit,” don’t be surprised if she exhibits behaviors that personify exactly that. Whereas, if you start by seeing everyone as doing the best they can at this time and respect them for that, you’ll approach the situation from an entirely different perspective—one that is typically more loving, less judgmental and one that can also have an impact for the better much more quickly. Obviously, what your sister really wants is love and if the only place she feels like she can get that at the moment is from her boyfriend, well then of course she’ll want to spend most of her time with him.

Here’s something powerful that you can share with your nieces. Maybe they don’t approve of their mother’s choices and decisions and yet feel that they are affected by them directly or indirectly. Instead of feeling victim to the situation, they can become victors over it by choosing to give what it is they most want to get… in this case it’s the love and caring attention of their mother. But truly, that brand of love—love that comes from someone else—is never, ever reliable, even from a mother, as you’ve so wonderfully illustrated with your question!

In this world filled with people living in separate bodies, driven by different likes, dislikes and intentions, we cannot expect for anyone else to truly make us live “happily ever after.” Situations and circumstances are always changing as are people evolving, growing and learning via the lives they live. We can’t expect anyone to put their life on hold for us—which is what so many mothers feel that they do for their children only to feel then that their children owe them something for that in return. They don’t! If you choose to sacrifice anything for another person, be prepared to realize that it is never loving. We can only receive perfect and undying love from ourselves! How do we know if we’ve actually succeeded in tapping that kind of love? We don’t need others to do anything for us in order for us to love them… we just love them because that’s what feels best to us! No matter how they are acting towards us, anyone else or themselves. Only that is true love.

Wouldn’t you rather your nieces master a lesson in true love early on and go on to be powerful, amazing self-reliant women in all of their relationships? Rather than make them victim to judgments about their mother, which will only serve to disempower them and lose sight of the love that they innately know and feel for her. Show them real, true undying love now, by asking them to join with you in accepting their mom just as she is and allowing for her to make mistakes as she must. And by the way, if your sister doesn’t feel judged, she’ll walk through situations that aren’t truly led by love—but fear—much more quickly.

For years, I worked with teens in the public school system, who came from “dysfunctional homes.” The members of these families were all craving love, yet no one really understood how to remove the obstacles to love’s presence. Instead they were all in denial, thinking they could live without sharing the very thing they all wanted to experience most. From my own personal experience, I knew that only one person in a family is needed to change everything. How? By deciding to love everyone just the way they are. That doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck with a situation you don’t like—that’s the power of love—once you accept people/things just as they are—they can change!

Source: Parental Wisdom Advisor Maureen Whitehouse